Preparing For Anal Sex Realistic Expectations

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NOW, Lets get back to the topic.

Great anal sex is all about the warmup. You’ve got to take your time, relish each sensation, and tease her into a frenzy before serious anal penetration begins.

Start with some external stimulation to get the ball rolling. Analingus (commonly called rimming) is a great way to begin the arousal process and get you both in the mood. Use your mouth and tongue to explore the folds of her puckered opening. Swipe your tongue around her anus or lick back and forth.

Experiment using the wide flat part of your tongue, then try the pointy tip. If you feel comfortable, you can slip your tongue just barely inside her anus or move it in and out. While you do this, you can use your hands to play with her vulva and clitoris at the same time.

If you or your partner don’t enjoy analingus, you can use the pad of a welllubed finger in a circular motion to massage the outer area of the anus. Or press a vibrator against the opening. Whatever you choose, the idea is to bring awareness to the area and begin to “wake up” the anal erogenous zone through gentle, focused touch.

Finger Techniques

When you slide your finger into someone’s ass, you can tell a lot about how they are feeling: our sensitive digits can assess how relaxed, nervous, or turned on someone is—and that’s valuable information when it comes to anal sex. Many people feel especially connected to their partners when they use fingers for penetration; there is nothing quite like the feeling of having a part of your body inside your partner’s body. Fingers can help warm up her butt for a toy or intercourse, or they can be the main event all by themselves. For all these reasons and more, fingers make great penetration tools.

If you are going to use your fingers for anal exploration, first make sure they are butt-friendly. Your nails should be clean, short, and well-filed; beware of sharp or rough edges because they can irritate the delicate tissue of the anal canal and rectum or even cause a scratch or small tear. If you’re unsure about how nice your manicure is, you can always wear a latex (or non-latex) glove. Gloves are not just safer-sex barriers; they work well for penetration because they transform your hand into a smooth, seamless tool. Gloves are ideal if you have long nails and don’t want to cut them just to have an anal adventure: Just put a small cotton ball in the tip of each finger of the glove to protect your nails and make sure the glove doesn’t tear. Always use plenty of lube with gloves.

To begin, lube your index finger and touch the pad of it to your partner’s anus.

Wait for the opening to relax, then slip your finger inside just to the first knuckle and stay there. Let the ass get used to the feeling of your finger. Don’t make any sudden movements or try to go farther. When the sphincter muscles begin to relax around your finger, you can venture farther inside. Again, when you have your finger all the way inside, stay put. Check in with your partner. When you feel her ass continue to relax and she tells you she’s ready for more, begin experimenting with different sensations. Take some slow strokes where you move in and out of the anus. Try speeding up and see if there is a particular pace that she likes best. Experiment with long strokes, then short, quick ones. Twist your finger as it moves inside her. Aim it toward the front of her body and press down slightly for indirect G-spot stimulation.

When she’s ready for more, withdraw the index finger, take your middle finger and cross it on top or below it, then lube both fingers. Slide back inside gently and begin with some slow strokes. As you discover what kinds of stimulation she likes best, establish a rhythm with your fingers.

From there, let her set the pace as you work your way up to more fingers or a sex toy (see a chapter for more information on toys). You shouldn’t move on to the next step until everything feels great, and you should move on to intercourse only when she has taken the number of fingers or toy that is similar in size to your penis, or just shy of it. How long it takes to get used to this new sensation, to be comfortable with anal play, and to work up to a penis in her ass will totally depend on her. Don’t be so focused on how long it will take; just enjoy all the fun you’ll have getting there.